David Jockelson

Thoughts and ideas

Introduction

Welcome to my website. I set this up as a convenient place to store ideas and papers that I had written over the last few years. I hope you find something of interest and value here.

If you have logged onto this website in a state of stress or distress you may like to look immediately at the article on the right of your screen “A Five Minute Stress Reduction Note. And – excuse the dramatic note if it doesn’t apply to you – the Samaritans are on 116 123 or jo@samaritans.org

Back to a less dramatic tone…

For over 30 years I have been a solicitor, initially with a more general practice, but for a long time specialising in childcare work – which with tragic irony actually means legal work around child abuse and neglect.

I have written a certain amount about that, run some workshops and contributed to various government enquiries. That material is tucked away at the very end of this website.

About 15 years ago I also trained as a psychotherapist and I started to bring some therapeutic aspects into my work with legal clients as explained in Article in Family Law September 2010 I have also offered those to people through working one-to-one with clients, many of whom are lawyers.

My friend Steve Biddulph has recently published a new book called “Fully Human“ which contains some really interesting and valuable ideas.

He has kindly given a bit of a plug to some of my ideas and it is possible that someone looking at this website might have come here because of that reference.

He says “One of his most intriguing ideas is that trauma does more than just cause massive anxiety it also may act as a break in our development. Trauma can freeze us at the age when it took place, at least on some dimensions of maturation which requires trust, learning and physiological calm to proceed well. As a consequence we see many adults today who are emotionally frozen in an infantile stage of development, for example, or an adolescent one. If this is very widespread, then the whole society can be skewed towards certain kinds of immaturity.… we have a somewhat adolescent culture today.“

This is a partial summary of some ideas which are contained in one of the articles on this website – “Our culture of permanent adolescence – anger, stress and other addictions.“ Please click on it on the right-hand column.

Having benefited hugely from attending a parenting course many years ago, I went on to train and delivered such courses at various schools and organisations. The notes that I used and offered to participants are at Some ideas about parenting

The most recent development has been running workshops. These were initially within my own firm and subsequently for other firms and barristers’ chambers and national organisations like the Association of Lawyers for Children and the Family Law Bar Association (FLBA).

These offerings were initially along the lines of a somewhat simplistic “stress management model“. Please see the various articles here on stress busting or “How to be a Happier, Healthier, more Efficient and Ever Youthful Workaholic!” Stress and looking after ourselves – a 15 minute read

Most recently the workshop for the FLBA was recorded and is the first article on the website My first webinar 6 May.

As it says at the beginning, this is my first webinar and is really amateur, with rather unhelpful interruptions by various people and some really retro visual aids – paper and felt tip! (The next one had PowerPoint which can be a mixed blessing and happily wasn’t recorded.)

Finally I have written some articles for the FLBA Journal including for the Christmas Issue examining the emotional side of the law and asking “Why are we family lawyers anyway?” (Answer in brief – we are fascinated by family dysfunctionality in other people and we hope to bring order to it because of our own formative experiences in childhood; experiences that we are in denial about and that is why the article will make such uncomfortable and unacceptable reading for many people.)

I would welcome feedback to me at dj@milesandpartners.com

The Drama Triangle. A very useful model

This is my version of the Drama Triangle which is a model invented by Stephen Karpman. You can research it online and find lots of articles and diagrams. I hope this version makes sense. To be honest it makes more and more sense to me, and is more and more useful, the more I work […]

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Five minute stress reduction note

STRESS REDUCTION Learning to be confident and relaxed in the face of everyday stress. The basic point of this note is this: as soon as we become anxious the body reflects and expresses this…. in two main ways – 1. holding the breath and 2. tensing the muscles.  This is the Freeze reflex which is […]

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My first webinar 6 May.

This workshop included a lookat the whole concept and experience of “stress“ with this analytical approach:  The word “stress” very unhelpfully rolls up a demanding event or situation together with the subjective reaction to that. The implication is that certain “stressful” events inevitably cause “stress”. It is much more helpful to look very carefully and […]

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Stress and looking after ourselves – a 15 minute read

How to be a Happier, Healthier, more Efficient and Ever Youthful Workaholic! That is not just a gimmicky title. I am trying to address immediately the suspicion that people may have that stress management or Well-being will involve doing less work. Some judges have kindly suggested just that. Sadly, most of us find that is […]

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Stress management and more – a 30 minute read

Stress management – and more. A fuller body / mind note.  A 30 minute read with a bit of science and visualisations – including the two I use in workshops.  To start with an important distinction about stress: In talking about stress, there are two approaches, not mutually exclusive. And obviously people need to address […]

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Complex (or childhood) PTSD – Adverse childhood experiences

Complex (or childhood) PTSD – Adverse childhood experiences. And how universal they are. And why – in what way our culture and societies have slowly become increasingly and invisibly unhealthy or adverse for children growing up. This note is long – and yet also too short – as it is extremely compressed. So compressed as […]

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Our culture of permanent adolescence – anger, stress and other addictions

This is adapted from a talk I was invited to give at the Manchester and District Medico-Legal Society. 15 February 2012. Crisis:  Our culture of permanent adolescence –  anger, stress and other addictions. This is ambitious – very general and only from my own thinking – not relying on other writers, rexts etc. So how […]

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What are the brakes on therapy and emotional healing?

What are the brakes on therapy and emotional healing? Identify them and release them. A note for my Spectrum postgrad group about possibly making therapy more effective. I suspect we have all had experience of mentioning psychotherapy in a social situation and having people tell us why they would never do psychotherapy and/or why they […]

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Some ideas about parenting

NOTES FOR THE CHELTENHAM WORKSHOP ON PARENTING PARENTING – DO WE NEED A WORKSHOP?! Parenting really has arrived now. 10 years ago when my partner and I did a parenting course people looked doubtful and spoke about it with sarcastic heavy inverted commas “Parenting”?! Surely it’s just common sense? Or instinct? … You can’t really […]

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